(NSFW) 2011′s Golden Boobie Awards

Welcome, Plastikitties, to this year’s edition of the Golden Boobie Awards! Last year I did the Golden Boobie Awards on a different site, and it was so amazingly fun that I just had to do an edition on Plastikitty for 2011!  I mean, who doesn’t love mocking badly designed figure breasts and applauding manufacturers who understand gravity? Because, let’s face it, most sculptors have no idea what actual boobs look like–my original worst of list was twice as long as the best of, which I think says a lot. Maybe they should hire some nude models or something. So let’s hit the jump and get started!

The Worst

#10: Griffon’s Sasara

There are a lot of bad things going on here: the mediocre sculpting, the terribly tacky posing, the ugly face, the stupid paws. But the worst element by far is the god-awful underboob. I mean, really, who in their right mind wears that while bent over like a dog? They also look laughably fake. How Griffon followed up the very cute nekomimi Kanu with this monstrosity I have no idea!

#9: Daiki’s Kanu

I think Kanu here would be a lot higher on the list than #9 if it wasn’t for the fact that they at least tried to give her a more realistic figure. Thicker thighs, legs that aren’t a mile long, a real tummy–sounds good, right? Then you get to the boobs and spit your drink out from laughing. They are at least three times the size of her head, and we all know how often that happens in real life!

#8: MegaHouse’s Senhime

Oh look, Senhime had her boobs removed and replaced with balloons. It must be the terrible pressure to give endless amounts of fanservice that led to this! Poor, poor Sen, to go from this to… well, inflatable breasts. They don’t even look any smaller if you take off her shirt, which seems to defy the laws of nature.

#7: Beat’s Tamaki

As much as I love Tamaki, it would be lying to say that her bountiful figure hasn’t been pushed too far in recent years. Probably the worst offender is Beat’s Tamaki, which is really a shame because I think they nailed her curvier figure in every place but the boobs. I mean, look at those monsters, they’re kind of terrifying!

#6: AlphaMax’s Cryska

When you can see the whole outline of a figure’s boobs from behind and they are twice as wide as her back, you have a problem. Poor Cryska is probably sitting because it’s physically impossible to stand with breasts that large. How that bra has not snapped from the weight is beyond me!

#5: MegaHouse’s LunaLuna

LunaLuna’s design was decided from a poll of fetishistic design elements that people wanted to see on a character, so you just know that she has to be over-the-top and tacky. But I think Japan really outdid themselves with this one: exotic look, dark oiled skin, tentacles, a fake penis… well, I really don’t need to list any more after that! Her boobs are just as bad, as they seem to be… expanding sideways. At least they aren’t floating, but gravity doesn’t really work horizontally.

#4: A+’s Kanu

Oh god, transvestite Kanu! I don’t even know what to say about this, as not only does she have some of the worst-ever figure boobs, she is probably one of the worst figures all around to ever be produced. That face, that hair, that… dress. It doesn’t help that she has boobs so big that I can’t even comprehend what that would look like in real life. I mean what are they, a double H or something?

#3: Q-six’s Echidna

Echidna, one of your breasts is trying to escape!  Don’t let it float away!

#2: Aizu Project’s Choun

Choun is like an even-worse version of Echidna, with one boob that is just desperately trying to take to the skies while the other one kind of floats on the side. They are also wildly different sizes… I guess one is inflating itself to help escape?

#1: Daiki’s Cattleya

Cattleya is the queen of bad boobs, so of course she is the queen of this list as well! I think Daiki’s designers were sitting around one day and said, “Hey, we’ve made figures of Cattleya before and she sold well.. what if we did a new one and her boobs were EVEN BIGGER? Not three times the size of her head, not four, but SIX TIMES the size of her head! And let’s put her in a BIKINI. KNEELING SO HER BOOBS BLOCK HER ENTIRE BODY. SO HOT.” And since it’s Daiki and they are all drunk this statement was met with a resounding yes.

The Best

#10: CM Corp’s Holo

I think this Holo is the only figure I know of to be completely naked and completely tasteful. Part of it is due to her character and how natural and non-sexual it is for her, but a huge part is because of her wonderfully realistic body. She’s slim but her breasts are quite small, and she doesn’t have exaggerated hips or a big butt. She’s just… natural, which is such a rarity in the figure-world.

#9: Alphamax’s Tamaki

There’s a way to do Tamaki right, and while there were several nice figures of her this year the best in terms of capturing her body realistically is AlphaMax’s swimsuit version. She’s topless but looks more tasteful than fully clothed versions of her! And her breasts are not too large while still fitting her design, and they *gasp* react to gravity!

#8: Gift’s Hayate

Swimsuit girls usually rely either on a really cute outfit or a sexy body, and Hayate really doesn’t have either of these. The suit is cute but basic, and her body… well, just look at her bust! It’s small, and while her breasts are quite perky that’s not at all unrealistic for their size and her age. I think she was actually a pretty daring choice for Gift, since she’s a lot more normal than almost any other swimsuit figure out there!

#7: FREEing’s Ingrid & Bridget

1/4 scale figures kind of have a “go big or go home” mentality, where they rely on overt sexuality more than anything else. It’s undeniable that FREEing’s two Freezing girls are sexy, but they’re not over-the-top. Bridget actually looks quite demure, and Ingrid’s breasts are actually falling to the side as they do when a real girl lays on her back (and her boobs are not fake). They are both great examples of tasteful NSFW girls!

#6: Kotobukiya’s Asahi-chan

Speaking of tasteful NSFW, Kotobukiya’s Asahi-chan is one of my all-time favorite risque figures! She’s actually not wearing anything aside from a few bubbles (which do not count as clothing) and they can be removed pretty easily. But we’re not here to talk about bubbles, so let’s get down to what is important–the boobs! Asahi is slim, so having anything bigger than an AB or so would really be unrealistic, and in fact they stuck with her body type and gave her small breasts. Not only are they the right size, but they squish realistically! Protip for sculptors: real boobs aren’t actually made of plastic.

#5: Orchid Seed’s Arshes

While the best-of list has pretty much been composed of small or medium-sized boobs so far, there are certainly ways to do really large ones right! Arshes is the perfect example of this, and while she’s busty she is also really full-figured and her breasts are not floating away into the heavens.

#4: Orchid Seed’s Nao

I think Nao is probably the most controversial addition to this list (either best or worst) because I have heard tons of people say that her boobs look “weird.” I don’t get how they are “weird” at all though, as they are small and squished together quite naturally. Newsflash: if you squish some relatively medium-sized breasts together they don’t stay as perfect circles, and I am kind of amazed that Orchid took such a natural approach for this figure.

#3: Good Smile Company’s Racing Miku

This is one of the few SFW figures on the list, but she deserves her very high placement. There are a lot of Mikus, and while she has a very small chest, almost flat, her breasts are unnaturally perky to the point where they seem kind of weird. They would be fine if she was wearing a bra, but there’s no way you wouldn’t be able to see the outline on that tight shirt of hers! Here, however, we get a more realistic look at Miku braless, with small, cute, and natural-looking breasts.

#2: Native’s Trunk Girl

Native always hits it out of the park with their NSFW figures, and Trunk Girl is really the cream of the crop. While I think for 2011, Chie was better sculpted, Trunk Girl has one of the best and most realistic bodies on any figure. Her pose is serene and natural, her body looks realistic, and they did a spectacular job on her chest. Her breasts are actually positioned correctly, which is lower down on the torso than how 99% of figures put them. They fall naturally and somehow manage to look soft, which is an odd and amazing thing to say about a hunk of plastic!

#1: MegaHouse’s Siggy

Siggy made it onto our Favorite Figures of 2011 list for a reason–she’s the epitome of what makes a NSFW figure work. A unique concept, a fantastic face, great sculpting, tons of personality, and most importantly a realistic body! Siggy is busty, and while it’s silly to deny that there are very busty women in real life they follow certain rules of physics which most figures ignore to the point that most busty figures look fake. But Siggy actually demonstrates these rules–look at how they fall on her body, the shape, where they are placed on her torso. Perfect! Siggy is proof that a figure can ooze sexuality while being realistic and have a touch of class.

So those are the best and the worst of the year in boobs! I have to say, there really weren’t a whole lot of great ones to pick from for 2011 (unlike 2010, where it was nearly impossible to have just 10!). While I think our final 10 represent some really nice sculpting work, usually there are more than just 10 great sets of boobs per a year. I think there was a greater focus on butts this year, but don’t worry–the Golden Buttocks Awards are coming up soon!